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The East African : Nov 3rd 2014
The EastAfrican 22 OPINION NOVEMBER 1-7,2014 LAST WORD Cou≥t says nudity is not a human ≥ight; eve≥ybody knows the law is an ass A British man who spurns clothes has lost a legal bid to have public nudity declared a human right. The European Court of Human Rights ruled that Stephen Gough’s rights were not violated by repeated arrests and convictions for being naked in public. The court said Gough’s legal woes were the result of conduct that could be “alarming and morally and otherwise offensive” to others. Gough, a 55-year-old Joachim Buwembo Miss Uganda gets hands di≥ty, fat cats tu≥n up thei≥ noses past, when the finalists were collected from different regions of the country and encamped in the equivalent of a traditional bride-fattening process, the city’s rich and political males followed the programme closely. They sought to associate with the contest, giving donations to ensure it all went well and eventually being photographed in close encounters with the beauties on the final day. What didn’t get photographed was also probably interesting. This year is different. It has been a T boot camp for the beauty finalists. Instead of spending weeks under the care of armies of beauticians and grooming specialists dispensing manicures, pedicures, coiffures, make-up, massage and advice on how to dress, the beauties were shipped off to the farm to get their hands dirty for a few weeks. And the ogling city tycoons and politicians dropped off their trail. After escaping the poverty and drudgery of the villages, the tycoons and politicians apparently did not want to be reminded of their origins. So the beauties were left in peace with agriculture experts to learn more about the country’s economic backbone. Picture this: The 20 girls vying for the country’s beauty crown spent hours messing about with pigs; learning how to wash the grunting mammals, clean Illustration: John Nyagah his year, Kampala’s rich fat men have not shown their usually excessive interest in the Miss Uganda beauty pageant. In the pigsties, feed the pigs and provide tender care for the piglets. Of course, the Muslims did not have to go through the practical aspects of this module. Most of the training took place at Bukalasa Agricultural College. Away from the heavy breathing scruti- ny of the city’s fun lovers and predators, the beauty queens spent their days acquiring skills such as how to prepare media for growing mushrooms. In case you didn’t know, there is nothing glamorous about mushroom farming. It is stinky business involving making things literally rot so that the tasty fungi can grow. Before the agricultural camp, the closest most of the beauty queens had come to mushrooms was on their pizza or in the entrée soup. The national beauties also spent days learning the different stages of poultry farming and how to maintain different types of farming implements and livestock shelters. Another important problem of Ugandan agriculture that they delved deeply into was the managing/ minimising of post-harvest losses. The girls were also introduced to fish farms and trained in soil sampling and testing. But of all the modules, what apparently was most exciting was milking cows. They lost their fear of a close encoun- ter with the cows and learnt how to extract milk from them. That is how the 2014 edition became Uganda’s most boring and also most useful beauty contest. The politicians and tycoons we had got accustomed to seeing kiss the cheeks of the beauty contestants did not show up in the usual numbers. The girls have been equipped with knowledge more useful than the false glitter that dazzled previous contenders, some of whom ended up as alcoholics or otherwise went downhill a couple of years after their day on the catwalk. former Royal Marine nicknamed the “Naked Rambler,” has twice walked the length of Britain, with frequent interruptions for arrests, court appearances and jail time. He has served multiple sentences for appearing nude in places including courts and an aeroplane. He has been arrested 30 times in Scotland between 2003 and 2012. Castration, mastectomy? Lovely minds people have If you want to castrate the rapists, then you also cut off the breasts of female defilers. Such is the crazy reaction to a proposal by Taveta County Assembly in Kenya that has received a Bill that propose castration of rapists. Country Assembly Majority Leader Cromwell Baridi tabled the Bill last week saying that it would help reduce rape and defilement cases. But Maendeleo Ya Wanaume (an organisation for men’s welfare), boss Nderitu Njoka said only “weird male” leaders could continence such a Bill because both boys and girls were victims and it would be unfair to target one gender. “If you want to castrate men, then you also have to have a law cutting off the breasts of women who defile our young boy,” said Njoka. Flat foot turns out to be foot fetishist You are free to go so long as I smell your feet! Houston policeman Patrick Quinn was arrested after he stopped a woman driver and claimed he found marijuana paraphernalia on her. Authorities say Quinn told her he has a foot fetish and would release her if she let him smell her feet. The Harris County district attorney’s office says Quinn later said he wouldn’t need to smell her feet if she gave him her underwear. He then changed his mind and let her go. Authorities believe he may have made similar demands of others. My dumb boyfriend thinks I’m deaf A waitress in Alaska, iden- tified only as “Tina,” dated a fisherman for nine months and pretended she was deaf the entire time without her boyfriend finding out. “I don’t know why... but I look at the guy and say, ‘I’m deaf.’ He just looks down at me, grabs my shoulder and yells ‘My name is Chris.’ He turns around to his buddies and says, ‘This deaf chick is hot!’” Tina had a hard time because if a door slammed, she had to pretend not to look. “If a dog barks, you have to be really careful not to look or anything. Cross the street and you have to pretend you can’t hear the horn honking at you,” she said. Tina later owned up to friends. Meet Ram Singh, the man with the 14-foot moustache Ram Singh Chauhan, the owner of the world’s longest moustache, has to manoeuvre a lot before going to sleep to preserve his “treasure.” Chauhan, 58, of Jaipur, India, has a moustache that measures 14 feet. He’s been growing it since 1982, after a friend with a 7-foot-long moustache suggested it. “He said, ‘Ram Singh, it’ll be good if you grow your moustache too,” he told IshaFoundation.org. Chau- han has appeared in many Bollywood films as well as the 1983 James Bond film Octopussy. Chauhan officially earned the title of “World’s Longest Moustache” from Guinness World Records in March, 2010. He admits keeping it looking lush is not easy. “Growing a moustache is like taking care of a baby — you really need to nurture it,” he said.
Oct 27th 2014
Nov 10th 2014