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The East African : Feb 9th 2015
20 The EastAfrican OPINION FEBRUARY 7-13,2015 soon so≥t out Boko Ha≥am LAST WORD It’s OK, boys, the juju is kicking in, the spi≥its will Snakes and bees are sucJoachim Buwembo Pin st≥iped suits cannot make a Dane out of an East Af≥ican I refuse to be shocked by the rot in Arusha, and I am not alone. I doubt if you heard that many gasps of shock after the release of the report that said financial mismanagement could be rife at the headquarters of the East African Community and its various agencies. So what if the staff in Arusha spend a couple of million dollars on air tickets in a year? I don’t know of any of the five East African governments that has not been accused spending extravagantly on air travel. Don’t our leaders fly by private jets to go meet donors who fly on commercial airliners? And then the compilers of the report express surprise that the East African Court of Justice officials also jumped onto the gravy train spending a hundred thousand dollars on a meeting unnecessarily held at some funky place. Who said judicial stomachs should only take in ugali and sukuma wiki? It is fine to investigate, probe and establish that EAC officials in Arusha are eating millions of dollars without rendering equivalent value for money. And then so what? I thought these people are recruited and seconded from the five East Afriucan countries. They are not from Mars or Denmark where corruption is near zero according to the 2014 Transparency International Corruption Index. They are East African and naturally, behave like East Africans. Most of our languages have a saying to the effect that a snake begets a snake. Did you expect a snake egg to hatch into a duckling? At least, Uganda does not deny being a haven for thieves. No less a personage than our president has said so explicitly, and on foreign soil too. So did you expect us to send angels whom we don’t have to Arusha? What about Kenya, with its spectac- ular record of corruption? They have pulled off some of the most creative heists in Nairobi, including Goldenberg, when they ostensibly exported more gold than gold-exporting countries, and Anglo Leasing, which does not exist and therefore cannot be killed. And then you have Tanzania, where they say they graduated from having sharks to whales. Yes, a few guys in Dar es Salaam can swallow a million people, while those with smaller throats head north to Arusha. But, you say, Rwanda is very tough on corruption. Well, if you can’t do it in Kigali, why not head to Arusha? As for Burundi! I think they have enough issues in Bujumbura to occupy them and scrutinising whom they send to Arusha may not be an urgent priority. Let us put it this way. A criminal bred and trained in Kampala cannot become clean by being bathed in the glaciers flowing down Mount Kilimanjaro. A graft merchant from Nairobi does not turn into a saint by going to Arusha. And a Mswahili from Dar remains a Mswahili even if he goes to Arusha. As for Rwanda, for two decades Illustration: John Nyaga some of its worst criminals have been undergoing trial in Arusha. All the ghosts of the people they butchered must have accompanied them and could have taken up residence in the heads of some of their compatriots working in Arusha. And for Burundi, as we said, no comment. So please, stop expecting the East Africans in Arusha to behave like Danes. They are East Africans. ceeding where the Nigerian army has failed. The local newspaper Vanguard reports that recently captured Boko Haram fighters describe “mysterious snakes and bees” that chased them out of their forest hideouts. One of the arrested insurgents, Kolo Mustapha, said the bees and snakes have killed several Boko Haram leaders and got everyone else on the run. Mustapha claimed that the creatures, which disappear after biting the fighters, are actually “the aggrieved people who had suffered from our deadly mission, including the ghosts of some of those we killed.” The other captured Boko Haram member, Umar Abor, said the sect believes “the Chibok people are using juju to pursue us because of their children said to have been taken by our leaders.” She who laughs last gets to stay alive Dont dare laugh, you will die! A woman in the UK with a mystery illness feared for her life every time she laughed. After developing a very rare brain disease, Claris Diaz could be killed by a prolonged roar of laughter or even a chuckle. But since undergoing two major brain operations, the inspirational woman has defied doctors to complete a master’s degree and embark on one of Europe’s most gruelling half marathons. Ms Diaz, who lives in Cardiff and is originally from California, began suffering a series of transient ischaemic attacks (TIAs) – or “mini strokes” – at just 10 years of age. Comrade Bob sat on the wall, Comrade Bob... Comrade Robert Mugabe missed the platform steps and fell after adressing his supporters on arrival home from the AU summit in Addis Ababa. Despite Mugabe’s security personnel reportedly doing their very best to ensure photos of the 90-year-old Zimbabwe president falling over did not get out, they soon made their way onto the internet. Photographers at the scene claimed they were asked to delete the photos by security staff, but the images still made their way online. The crown is mine, all mine, she cried… A Brazilian beauty pag- eant took a bizarre turn when the first runner-up snatched the crown off the head of the winner of the Miss Amazon contest, refusing to accept her loss. Sheislane Hayalla is justifying her reaction by claiming her rival, Carol Toledo, “bought” the title. At the crowning ceremony, Hayalla initially hugged her opponent. Seconds later, as a woman adjusted the crown onto Toledo’s hair, Hayalla stepped forward to snatch the tiara violently from her head and throw it onto the stage before storming off. Release the tige≥ inside you by eating the meat of one (yuck) leopard and tiger meat should head to Russia. The police raided and detained a Vietnamese man on suspicion of involvement in the killing and trafficking of endangered animals. The suspect is accused of supplying illegal meat believed to have been eaten by wealthy diners at a Moscow res- Those who want to taste taurant. Officers discovered big cat skins, heads and around 50 kg of meat believed to be the remains of an Amur (Siberian) tiger and an Amur leopard. Tiger meat is popular among some of Russia’s elite because they believe that eating it improves their business skills and sexual stamina.
Feb 2nd 2015
Feb 14th 2015