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The East African : Nov 21st 2015
18 The EastAfrican OPINION NOVEMBER 21-27,2015 LAST WORD You’≥e only as ugly as you feel inside: Unique Zimbabwe competition att≥acts the c≥owds Step aside, you are not ugly enough! “Mister Ugly” Zimbabwe will have tough competition in this year’s pageant following an unprecedentedly high number of entries. For the first time since the competition began in 2011, organisers will hold preliminary rounds to whittle the number of hopefuls from 36 down to the 12 who will compete in final. “We are looking for natural ugliness,” said pageant organiser David Machowa. William Masvinu has held Illustration: Patrick Gathara Joachim Buwembo I shall save you f≥om the snake; all you have to do is catch it and kill it ers to whom he delegated authority. But when the colo demystify ra of even chan rain itself. Not only d M rigation to m unnecessary, grow cash cr ployment, th vidual rain in also forced toilets and stagnant w to reduce vi to the witch doctor to r e p o r t ailments a r i s i n g from poor sa tion and mo toes. Fortunately ence came a verted to our ways. The sup is the provid thing. You m thank th government for roads, s e c u r i t y, schools and health centr even after p aking rain in traditional Africa was a secret art, the preserve of the king or those specialised rainmak- ing for them through taxes. It is like in the ancient kingdom of Buganda where the Kabaka was revered both as temporal and spiritual leader. Once, a big snake that was terrorising age was reafter it had any people. Kabaka orhis subjects and catch y went and it. He orthem to a big fire. made a big He ordered o throw the d snake e fire. They he captured to the fire nt to ashes. anked the d lived hap- er. have not h. people are r the posief rainmakelectoral uals. Ugan- g promised s, security, s they have for and will paying for. r is elected Rainmaker in February will be joined by one million and seven hundred thousand assistant rainmakers from 400 MPs to dozens of councillors in each of Uganda’s 60,000 villages. For security, they will recruit the vot- ers’ own children much the same way the Kabaka sent his subjects to go and capture the big snake. They will train and arm them using the our taxes and we shall be expected to thank them profusely. For education, they will send money to schools and pay teachers plus ghosts, for hospitals they will buy some drugs and also spend $150 million every year sending VIPs for treatment abroad, all from our taxes, and we shall be expected to thank them for a less-than-good job done. Yet all these services are so poorly provided that many taxpayers who can afford simply shun what the government is providing. Yes, even security — the private security business is growing faster than the public security sector in terms of numbers employed. One sector that cannot yet be fully taken over by the private sector is roads. But still the government cannot build roads — its road agency called UNRA just buys roads from private companies. But even that will change as companies start getting leases to build and operate pay-as-you-drive roads. But for now, everything we owe to the rainmakers even as we pay for it. The question is, aren’t 1,700,000 rainmakers too many for 34,000,000 citizens? That is one rainmaker for every 20 people, right? the title since 2012, when there were only five contestants. He won $100 and a voucher for a night’s stay at a hotel, which he cashed in for food. “People have always seen ugliness as something to be ashamed of. Looks are God given and we should all be proud of who we are,” said Machowa. Hello baby, Polly is back from the wars A pet parrot stolen in a burglary in Manchester has been reunited with its owner after three weeks when police recognised its trademark squawk “Hello Baby” as they carried out a search. Eight-year-old green winged parrot Charlie disappeared after being snatched in a raid. The owner, Graham Ralston, 46, said that when Charlie went missing, it was as though the burglar had taken a family member. Ralston adds, “It is so good to have her back. She came straight out of the cage and we had a hug and a kiss. She was bouncing around and saying ‘Hello Baby’.” A distraught man in Tai- wan married the ashes of his girlfriend, so upset was he by her death. The man, known by the name Mr Lai, had a wedding in Hsinchu village, Taiwan, along with a farewell ceremony with their friends and family. It is thought he wanted to show his commitment to the woman even after she was dead — so he married her ashes. Ghost marriages are not strange in Asia, where a dying man marries a female corpse to keep him happy in the afterlife. However, dressing an urn in a wedding dress and having a ceremony like this one is unheard of. The unwitting King of the Selfies Joseph Griffin from Ireland wanted to film the holiday of a lifetime visiting the bright lights of Las Vegas. So when his son lent him his GoPro camera, he was thrilled because he could share what he saw with his kids back in Ireland. But he was devastated when he later discovered his entire holiday film featured his own face. Joseph had indeed managed to film his dream holiday entirely in selfie mode! Instead of the views from his hotel room and the incredible interiors of the Las Vegas hotels, all he captured was his puzzled looking face. His son Evan posted the hilarious fourminute clip on Facebook and wrote: “So... gave my dad my GoPro while he was in Las Vegas, I did not, however, instruct him on how to use! Till death do us unite in holy matrimony Fat cats discuss sustainable g≥owth in Istanbul We want to share the spot- light! A trio of cats evaded tight security at the G20 summit and appeared on stage as the world’s leaders Barack Obama , Vladimir Putin and David Cameron, were seated. At an event in Antalya in Turkey, the influential leaders were upstaged by the cute kitties who were unexpected guests at the important global event. In the footage, one older cat first comes from behind the curtain and darts towards the front of the stage. It is soon joined by two younger cats who are also keen to have their presence known. Perhaps the cats also wanted to join the discussion on sustainable growth, development and climate change, as well as investment, trade and energy.
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