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Daily Nation : February 19th 2014
6 Living Pudd’ng’s teacher is always right fatherhood OUR DAUGHTER HAS THE RECIPE FOR WASHING HANDKERCHIEFS BY JOSAYA WASONGA firstname.lastname@example.org “W shown the incorrect card. Our daughter must’ve been in a daze, wondering, with all the ping-ponging, which teacher was correct. This absolute obedience streak hich stain is this?” I overhear Pudd’ng asking in the bathroom, as she washes her hanky. “Morizontal or vertical?” When she later gives Tenderoni the same line, mom makes a funny face. Like she’s about to burst out laughing. The little learner balks. No child of God wants to be laughed out of the county when they’re at pains to make impressions. While Pudd’ng’s eating her supper, her memory refreshes. She comes running to tell Tenderoni the correct pronunciation. “Mama? It’s forizontal, not morizontal … it’s what teacher said.” Fourty daze “It’s spelled F-O-U-R-T-Y, because we use British spelling,” I brought Pudd’ng up to speed as I checked her homework. She had written forty. “But teacher said …” baby girl protested. Case closed. In the evening when she returned with her homework book, the teacher had crossed the answer. Pudd’ng had done a correction at the bottom. “Fourty.” Same spelling I had extends to all areas academic, home and away. Know what our daughter feels now that they are allowed to carry textbooks home? Ivy League-ish. Several weeks ago, she came with her English textbook, Primary English. On page 10-11, numbers one to five, they were to copy the homework. “You’ve spelled this word wrongly,” Tenderoni told Pudd’ng on checking her homework. “But it’s written that way in the textbook and teacher said we should copy the way it’s written,” Pudd’ng defended the typo, plantingn. Recipe for hanky-laundering Some days ago, of course after “teacher said” in school, my daughter told me about the new thing they learnt in school. It’s how she put this new knowledge that made me get it twisted. “Dah-dee?” Today we learnt the recipe for washing handkerchiefs.” Tee-hee. “Teacher said we put salt and water in a basin, then soak the handkerchiefs.” Pudd’ng insisted that she wanted to wash her handkerchief relationships >> SHADRACK N. KIRUNGA Are you a YES man in your marriage? Men are likely to suffer in silence just to keep things running smoothly and peacefully planning to get married, but as the wedding day draws nearer, they seem to increasingly disagree with each other during the hectic planning process. To begin with, Jeanette feels A If you do what your wife tells you to avoid an argument, then you have a big problem. PHOTO | FILE that Andrew is indifferent to their forthcoming wedding because he agrees with every suggestion she makes, forcing her to seek opinion from others. But Andrew sees nothing wrong with this, arguing that it makes things move faster and smoother. What brings about such misunderstanding? The answer lies in understanding that when a relationship is on a high (good times), men and women respond differently to each other’s emotions. In particular, they cooperate differently with each other and for different reasons. In the context of relationships, cooperation is defined as the ndrew and Jeannette are ability to work things out with your partner, the goal being to achieve a mutually beneficial outcome. The outcome is a direct consequence of working together. In practical terms, it is about how you make decisions, resolve conflicts and support each other. Gender differences Ashley Randall, a researcher at University of Arizona, carried out research on this and came up with interesting results. She found that in periods of high cooperativeness, (when things are good) men typically experience what she calls in-phase responses, while women experience ante-phase responses. In-phase response means that if a person is feeling positive towards something, the other feels the same way too. However, ante-phase means that if one is feeling positive, the other feels less positive (note it is less positive, not negative). For example, using our case of Andrew and Jeannette, when she (Jeannette) selected a wedding gown she really liked, Andrew was unsure of her selection, but quickly assured her that it was the best choice (in-phase response). To his surprise however, that did not end the search for a gown, because Jeannette visited several other shops before settling on another gown (ante-phase response). Keep the peace One possible explanation for such reaction, according to Randall, is the fact that men and women understand cooperation differently. My understanding of it is that men consider cooperation to be what keeps things running smoothly and peacefully (avoid conflict or resolve issues quickly) while for the woman it is likely to be what works best, even though it might upset the good times. Thus, Andrew, like most men are likely to do, aligned his feelings to Jeannette’s, for things to flow smoothly, while Jeanette expected an opinion, rather than a reflection of her feelings. I find this really interesting because one common complaint from women is that their men are very protective of the good times, some feeling it is possibly because this way, they (men) are assured of the rewards that come when a woman is contented. No compromise A warning comes from Michael Formica, a counselor, who points out that cooperation should not mean compromise. He says that compromise causes problems because it implies that someone is giving up something for the sake of avoiding disagreement. Like in the case of Andrew, this can only go on for so long before it begins to strain the relationship. Way forward This is just another way of seeing gender differences, and if couples understood it well, it might save them from needless conflicts. As a rule, these differences do not affect us like animals of instinct, but only create dispositions which we can recognise and overcome. Men should therefore realise that attempting to keep the peace at all costs only ensures that it doesn’t last. As for women, they should recognise that, as Randall found out, they are the emotional regulators, especially in the good times. They should be aware that asking for an opinion while beaming with excitement will influence the response they get. The writer is a counsellor. Do you have a question? Write to email@example.com and panties. To this laundry, without our knowledge, she added her school dress and petticoat. Earlier, she was proudly telling me what they learnt in school … “Dah-dee? This is morizontal, and this is vertical,” she showed me the sums in her math textbook, arranged mori … sorry, horizontally and vertically. Accepting what teacher said … and moving on Last year Pudd’ng was the class prefect. We proffered her several pointers. “No bossing fellow pupils around.” “No doing favours to your friends.” “No letting this little title to get into your head. This is only temporary”. True to our word, change came. But our daughter did not tell us about the change of guard in her classroom. Pride? Perhaps. One of her friends has taken her place. “I don’t even know who’s the prefect, because the prefect and her desk mate sometimes confide,” she said. I sensed a tinge of jealousy in her voice. “But the teacher said that we now have a new prefect.” “How do you feel now that someone else is the prefect?” I asked, to which she replied that she was all good. “Baby, you accept and move on,” I joked. Wednesday February 19, 2014 DAILY NATION This local political catchphrase only registered to Tenderoni. Pudd’ng stared right through me. TWEH-LOAF. THIS IS HOW PUDD’NG’S TEACHER PRONOUNCES 12. MY CORRECTION HAS FALLEN ON DEAF EARS.” Josaya Doing the math This happened before the morizontal/vertical saga. On this day, Pudd’ng brings me her homework to check. When I correct her, I get a dose of “teacher said” medicine. The sum is 28 plus 11. The double digits are written one on top of the other, simple? Not so. When I tell baby girl that it is as it is: 28 plus 11, she insists that, for starters, it is eight plus one, followed by two plus one. Same difference. If you ask me. But … “We have to do it like this because teacher said.” Baker’s dozen “The answer is still tweh- loaf,” Pudd’ng recently answered when I asked her to redo a sum. Aha. That’s a new brand of bread! It’s how Pudd’ng’s baker … I mean, teacher pronounces number tweh-loaf, with a Kikuyu accent. This has rubbed off her pupils. “Say, ‘twelve’,” I corrected Pudd’ng. “Teacher said …” Child, I’ll tell you this for free. This is one case that no deadbolt in the world can close.
February 18th 2014
February 20th 2014