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The East African : March 3rd 2014
The EastAfrican 24 OPINION MARCH 1-7,2014 LAST WORD Kissing pillows? That’s unAf≥ican! Quick, someone tell the p≥esident! Perhaps, President YowJoachim Buwembo When you’≥e Museveni’s Numbe≥ Two, lea≥n to play second fiddle U nwritten rules tend to be strong because you cannot amend them. One such governs the behaviour of political number twos. Vice presidents the world over are supposed to keep out of the limelight and avoid outshining their principal, the president. But Uganda’s number twos tend to forget this. During the current 28-year old presidency, we have had about eight number twos, in a mix of vice presidents and prime ministers. The first PM was Mzee Samson Kisekka, later elevated to vice president; it seems he thought it meant a great deal. When his boss felt he needed new blood, he asked him to retire honourably an man hesitated so he got eje died crying foul. A political novice, George Adyabo, was appointed PM takenly thought that as head o ment business, he had real po eral ministers defied poor Ad he became a laughing stock. was dropped, he soon died a d man. PM Adyebo and VP Kisek replaced by smart individua knew their limits. Premier Ki Musoke pragmatically imple mented his boss’s plans and asked to be retired immediately on clocking sixty. His wish was honoured. His replacement was an academic, Prof Apollo Nsibambi, who also showed no interest in power and simply managed the Cabinet of 70-plus ministers like a school prefect who cannot conceivably become the headmaster. The VP who took office in 1994 and the first woman to hold that post was a surgeon, Dr Specioza Kazibwe. She went about her job with vigour and colour, but never tried to upstage her boss and even negotiated a handsome severance package after nearly a decade in office. But the next VP, a malaria research- er of international repute, Prof Gilbert Bukenya failed to hide his ambition and was busy calling himself a strong tree, the mahogany, when the hammer fell. He was replaced by a lawyer, Edward Sekandi, who has successfully avoided showing any interest in any job besides what the boss offers him. But the PM who replaced Prof Nsi- bambi was another matter. Amama Mbamazi is a lawyer with a long security background and had held several powerful portfolios, including defence minister, earning the unofficial title of “super minister.” Also as secretary general of the rul- ing party, it was hard for PM Mbabazi to suddenly learn how to act powerless, and he refused to relinquish one of the two posts as required. At a recent a ruling party MPs’ retreat, a youth representative moved a motion to endorse Museveni as the sole candiun for the presidency on the ket in 2016. Members were to sign the endorsement. Mr who was “suspected” of covtop job, also ended up signumber 202. Like a prisoner’s the #202 hash tag is now y commentators to underline led capitulation. erful was Mbabazi that some efuse to believe he has lost even peddling a conspiracy ry that it is a trick by him and president to identify the waring members who may not upport his candidature, and deal with them. But the truth s that the driver’s seat is too special to be shared with anybody, and whoever does not honour that principle falls off the bandwagon. eri Museveni should check this out. A US woman has designed a cushion with a pair of plastic lips intended to help their owners learn how to kiss or perfect their technique. The “Make-Out Practice Pillow” is the new solution for anyone who’s looking to perfect their kissing technique and features the plastic lips of a dummy sewed on to a square cushion. The quirky pillows were designed by Emily King who hopes they will be beneficial to inexperienced kissers as well as those who are simply lonely. She said, “I have to admit that when I mentioned this idea to my friends, the reaction from anyone over the age of 25 tended to be variations on ‘That’s really creepy.’ I thought it was pretty hilarious myself until I actually made the things. They are super creepy. But I sort of love them for that.” Selfies are worse! They spread lice! Selfies are spreading lice? Well, according to lice expert at California-based Nitless Noggins, the apparently harmless action of putting heads together to pose for a selfie with friends or a small group can spread itchy head lice. Noggins say he has seen a huge increase of lice in teens this year. “The unexpected effect of selfies is spreading the tiny, itchy critters in the heads of children, especially teenagers. But now, teens are sticking their heads together every day to take cellphone pictures. Every teen I’ve treated, I ask about selfies, and they admit that they are taking them every day,” he said. Human rights for dolphins! (They’re not gay?) A Romanian lawmaker, Re- mus Cernea, is pushing a law that would give dolphins the same rights as humans. The 39-year-old activist politician introduced a Bill in parliament that would recognise the marine mammals as “non-human persons,” on account of their highly developed intelligence, personalities and behaviour patterns. The Bill would make hu- mans and dolphins equal before the law. Dolphin killers would be given the same sentences as murderers of human beings. The Bill would also ban the use of dolphins in live entertainment shows. No headscarves? That’s pornography! Better you die than flout re- ligious rules! Staff at Riyadh University in Saudi Arabia barred male paramedics from entering a women’s-only campus to assist a student who had suffered a heart attack, who later died because of delayed medical attention. Saudi Arabia follows a strict interpretation of Islam. Sexes are segregated in schools and almost all Saudi universities. This is the second shocking incident after one in 2002, when fire broke out at a girl’s school in Mecca, killing 15 students. Rights groups reported that religious police would not allow the girls to escape because they were not wearing headscarves or Abayas, a traditional loose black cloak that covers the female body from the neck down. In the West, they ca≥≥y bodies in thei≥ ca≥ boots! Disgusting! A would-be thief in Liv- erpool bolted in fright after he prised open a car boot to find a replica of mummified remains belonging to a museum expert. The criminal got more than he bargained for when he broke into Dean Patton’s Volkswagen Passat and came face to face with an Iron Age “bog body.” The thief quickly scarpered, ignoring many pricey and irreplaceable artefacts inside the car. “The image of the bog body would give whoever saw it nightmares because it looks like a dead person. They didn’t know it, but underneath bog body were items that were worth thousands of pounds. So the bog body has saved the day,” said Patton.
February 24th 2014
March 10th 2014